Grace, Hopes, & Chances
by PrincessLyoka
Summary: Sequel to "Take a Chance 54th Hunger Games." Alanna from District 5 has won the Hunger Games, but nothing is going right: Her sister, Amy, is sullen around her and Alanna is unsure of the answer, she and her friend Josh are uncomfortable with each other, and she seemed to have caused something terrible she doesn't want. Then there's the Victory Tour and Amy's future to consider...
1. Rejection and Confusion

_And now, G_race, Hopes, & Chances_ Chapter One has come out. Sorry for keeping you readers waiting, I haven't been up to writing for a little bit. Just feeling lazy and trying to relax after all this school work (first day of 8th grade means 4 sheets of homework and a book to read). Also, since my first or second chapters always seem to be short (always under 900 words, not including author notes), I'm trying to make this and the second chapter long._

_For people reading this and not the prequel, _Take a Chance 54th Hunger Games_, I suggest you read it or this will make no sense at all. I am doing some explanatory things as usual sequels go, but it won't be enough. Especially why I choose the title for the sequel (hint in _Take a Chance_ Introduction, FF1.)_

_And now I present, _Grace, Hopes, & Chances.

* * *

**Chapter One**

My name is Alanna Grace McLee. Two years ago, I had an older brother. His name was Aaron Chance McLee. He was reaped for the 52nd Hunger Games. He placed 2nd, only to the District One boy, Marco el Brice. I was reaped for the 54th Hunger Games, the same time Antonio el Brice, the brother of the boy who killed Aaron, volunteered. I won without killing anybody. I was able to make it back home in District 5 alive as the victor.

You can expect my little 12-year-old sister, Amy Hope McLee, to be happy and excited that I was able to make it home.

No. When I stepped off the train and saw my sister on the shoulders of my one-armed dad within the crowd, she was mad. My parents were smiling, but Amy was fuming.

You have no idea how much that hurt.

After the official home-coming of the victor, me, I was taken back to my home to pack up. Tomorrow my family would be presented with a house in the Victor's Village. Only four more victors and their families occupy that part of the District.

Amy smiled when my parents were around, but once their backs were turned, Amy avoided looking at me. She packed up her belongings and when she finished, she opened up a book and read in the corner.

"Amy?" I asked.

Amy kept reading.

It wasn't like her. Amy hates reading, the only one in our family who dislikes reading words off anything. Actually, when she was little, every book she would find would be torn up if you didn't catch her. She's always had this hatred to books. I've never seen her read a book without distaste in her face. But I didn't see it.

"Amy, you don't know how much I missed you," I said.

Amy glared up at me. She didn't say a word. Instead, she threw her book across the room and slammed the door to the bathroom.

My mom got caught up in the situation. She appeared and yelled, "Amy, you better come out here and at least hug your sister!"

The door opened. Amy stepped out slowly, her eyes in line to the ceiling. She wrapped her arms around my neck as my arms stretched around her waist. There wasn't a comfy feeling in it, as Tawnya Dinkey, my escort, retreats from hugs to avoid wrinkles. Amy was restraining from me. But for a second, there was a warm feeling to it.

Then the hug ended. Amy jumped away from me and slammed the bathroom door. I was surprised the wall didn't crumble.

My mom sighed. She wrapped her arms around me and I actually began to hear her crying.

"I missed you sweetie," Mom said, "I was afraid I'd lose you."

"I missed you too, Mom," I said "I missed all of you."

Mom pulled back and wiped away tears. She kissed my cheeks. You have no idea how much I missed my parents and Amy.

Amy. I asked, "Whats wrong with Amy, Mom?"

Mom sighed again. "I don't know. Everyday she was crying, but she still watched closely. Then, that day with the mutts resembling those past tributes, she stopped crying completely. She cried when Wade… died, surely she would, but not when you were in pain or upset. She became very sullen. She would read a book to sleep. I don't know what it was, but I don't know."

"I don't know what I did," I said. I was shaking. I figured something that happened that day of the Gamemakers' Torture bothered her, something that made her that way. Amy is lighthearted, a bit naive, and cries a lot at times. She's never angry. Sometimes stubborn, but never angry.

"Alanna, I really don't know. Let's not dwell on it now. I'm making your favorite tonight for dinner, okay? We'll talk about it then."

But once she left to get together dinner, I knocked on the bathroom door. Amy didn't respond.

"Amy," I said to the door "Amy, please, I want to know whats wrong. What happened when I was gone?"

But Amy was giving me the silent treatment. Mom and Dad were able to force her out the bathroom to eat. The main dish was my favorite, salami salad with a lot of salt and chili powder, but it seemed that my family was already given a lot of food from the Capitol. The whole time, we tried getting my sister to talk about her feelings. She didn't say anything directly to me. She asked Dad, "Can I go over to Sarah's?" But he said no, as long as Amy talked to me. But she didn't. She fumed and went to bed.

While Amy slept that night, I stroked her hair. Then strangely, I had the feeling to get paper and a pencil. When I did, I spent until midnight drawing my sister wrapped up in her blankets in the dim candlelight. Under the drawing, I wrote, _"At least something of my sister is the same."_

Then I closed my eyes and slept.

It hadn't occurred to me later that me and Amy didn't spend any Our Time together. I woke feeling upset about it. I was up earlier than anyone else, so I wrote a note that I had gone walking and did so.

It was warm as I walked along the streets. Usually workers would be out but two things would happen today: The presentation of my new Victors' Village home and Wade's funeral at dark.

Thinking about it made me stop in my tracks. Rumor was that all the deceased tributes were allowed to be buried or cremated on this day. It wasn't proven, however, because its not televised or even recorded, but every year it happens.

The thought of the funeral, of Wade being buried, reminded me of his death. The cruel weapon of the Capitol, the Hunger Games. Antonio right behind him, lurking in the fog, shoving the spear right through Wade's stomach...

I fell over on the hard concrete screaming. People came out their homes and tried to help me, or, like most of them, just watched. Eventually they got me up and started guiding me to my house. I didn't let them. Instead I burst out running to the Woods.

I stumbled right into the place, out of breath, looking around for anyone. The Woods is one of the reasons District 5 lacks tesserae, we sometimes get our provisions from the Woods, a patch of forest left untouched during the development of District 5. However you have to give the meat or plants to any shopkeepers, who are forced to put it on a very high price. Trying to smuggle some food from the Woods is a result of how much you take. Little amounts might case a long period of prison time but higher amounts could be death or death of those close to you. Me, Amy, and Aaron were never caught because we always made it seem like we were trading away a lot of food when really we kept some to ourselves.

I lean against a tree and breathe in the air. The arena may have been a bunch of ringed pieces of land with different kinds of tree-like landscapes on each one, but nothing compared to the Woods. Me, Aaron, and Amy usually spent Our Time in the Woods, so it gave a comforting feeling to it.

Bug and animal sounds, the rushing water of a nearby stream, and wind whistling through the leaves calmed me down. I tried thinking of something good, nothing that will cause me to have small or slightly-major breakdowns. It would usually be my sister, but she won't work out in my mind right now. I don't want to think about what made her tick. Then my mind wandered to any topic until just nothing...

Noises of feet on grass shook me awake. I didn't mean to fall asleep. I looked around and saw Josh rush right past me.

"Josh," I called "Josh!"

He stopped and turned. He looked so much like Wade, except for the blue eyes in which Wade had gray ones. Looking now, I could see Josh a bit smaller and thinner than Wade was, not much but a little. Josh and Wade were twins, a 17-almost-18-year-old brother of Keith, and both parents.

Now that I see Josh now, I'm reminded of the promise me and Wade made to each other. If one of us won, the other would care for the deceased family. Now I must take up on that promise.

I know I must. I see the sadness and worry in Josh's eyes and I try to comfort him.

"Josh, I'm still me," I say. I take a step close to him and he takes a step back.

"Josh I-"

"No, Alanna," Josh says and turned around "Its to complicated."

"No its not, I know how you feel. The same when I lost Aaron."

"Yeah, and you avenged him, when you said that you don't take revenge."

_ "Avenging in the death of your brother."_

_ "No, I don't take revenge." _

I blink at the flashback. Josh is looking at me now with contempt.

"I-"

"Yeah right, you're still you."

"Well, I didn't mean it to end up like that. But, really, I didn't just avenge my brother, I avenged yours."

Josh looks upset when he says, "So?"

"How could you even think of saying that!" I yelled.

Josh steps back in shock. I'm somewhat of glaring and looking compassionate at him.

He says coldly, "You don't know what you've caused."

"Caused?" I get desperately confused. "What have I caused?"

Instead of answer, Josh says, "This isn't over," before he runs off.

I run the other direction, trying not to cry. Amy and Josh have rejected me, and I just don't know why.

And what's this about causing something?

* * *

_Celebrate, the first chapter of _GH&C_ is finally out and done with. _

_Now Chapter 2, wait, WHAT? (I don't mean it) **"yes, you do."** shut up **"you-"** you suck at seeming menacing whereas I can growl._

_Oh yea, the flashback was first Josh when Alanna talking in Chp 4 of _Take a Chance_. I feel like titling the chapters whereas I didn't do it in the prequel. Maybe I'll try for this story. This one might be "Rejection." I don't know. I'm tired 'cause this is late at night and I had a soccer game earlier today. Nearly had an asthma attack (not really). **"yes, she-"** NO. I hate you, not my readers, 'cause you are all amazing! **"No, you're-"** stop acting like a squid and please don't abuse your freedom from my profile or I'll take it from you. **"You no got the power!"** Yes, 'cause I'm not sure if you really are my subconscious but I CONTROL you, mostly._

_Did you like this? Wanting more. REVIEW, FAV, AND FOLLOW **"now you're just copying off Youtube."**_


	2. Goodbye Wade

_Hey readers! I'm so sorry about the long wait. Its school **"coughcoughprisoncough**" time and I don't have much free time on my hands. Then I had writers' block on this chapter the whole last week and **"Long story short chapter 2 took forever to write."** _

_Oh yea, I'm not sure if anyone noticed before, the same situation happened in "Take a Chance" where sometimes this infinity symbol (∞) would show up at random moments. Thats my stanza breaker. It also appears by the chapter marks as you can see below. FanFiction likes to screw around with that. So, for now on, if I can catch it, I'll put FanFiction-type stanza breakers. _

_But enough of me chatting **"finally"**, here's Chapter Two! _

* * *

**Chapter Two** - _Goodbye Wade_∞

I liked my new house in the victor's village. It was was two-level house built with white bricks and dark green shutters. A wooden porch painted white is on the back, with a view of the District and some woods. The wild woods outside District 5, not my Woods. There's quite a few windows and the inside feels cozy. The first level has a TV room, a fancy dinning room, a sitting/living room, two bathrooms, and an empty room that my family could be creative about. There's a bathroom and four already marked bedrooms upstairs: one for my parents, one for me, one for Amy, and another empty room.

There, I've set up all of Aaron's things. Amy helped me, but still wouldn't look nor talk to me. My Dad helped too, and tried getting Amy to speak a word to me. She didn't. Once we were finished, she locked herself in her new room.

After all the spectators, gatherers, and cameras left, my family was left in peace. I sat in Aaron's room and stared at his necklace hanging by a nail on the wall. I walked over to feel the glassy surface even though it was really plastic. I've always said Aaron's necklace was made of glass however my family could've never afforded one then.

"Aaron," I whispered "I… I…"

I looked out the window. It was turning dusk. I would be late and I shouldn't, not to Wade.

I went to my room and stared at my closet of new clothes. It was all my size, some Capitol-like and others more average. They were all a silky light green and oily black, strangely the same kind for my last two dresses in the Capitol. I wondered if Rivers, my stylist, have set this type of fashion line for me. I don't mind it, yet I've added all my old and fitting clothes into the closet too. The old ones I planned to give away and the Capitol ones might be able to unsew but thats not my focus right now.

I don't put on a dress. Instead I put on black sandals, a green shirt, and black pants. In the bathroom, I use a hair iron and flatten out my hair. It never works curly anymore since its gone shorter thanks to the arena.

The arena. The Hunger Games. How the tribute has died. No one has ever brought it up at the funeral. And I won't. I'll be respectful. In District 5, bringing up how the person has died at his or her funeral is one of the most rude and unkind things you could ever do. You talk about good times and try to avoid tears, even though it always happens. I cried my eyes out at Aaron's funeral and only stopped to say goodbye.

I knock on my parents' bedroom door and ask if they're coming.

"No thanks, Alanna," I can hear Dad say, his voice a bit shaky "You grab Amy and go."

I head to Amy's room, which is the farthest room from mine. I pound on her door and yell, "Are you coming?"

No answer. I try getting in but the knob is locked. I yell, "Amy Hope you better come with me!"

No answer. Again. Instead, I sigh deeply and say, "I'm going without you then, all alone."

No answer. I'm beginning to fume but I shook my head. Then I run out my new home and literally stumble over my feet down the porch steps. I'm about to move on when the door opens. Amy flies out in a new and simple black dress with a white hem. She had black boots and her hair is curly and long, longer than mine. She actually looks beautiful like that. If only she'd stop glaring at the ground.

"Let's go," I say and motion her to walk up. Instead, she stays a few feet behind me. Sighing, I walk ahead, constantly checking to see if Amy is with me. She still keeps her distance, avoiding my gaze, but following me.

I hope this doesn't last long.

* * *

_ "Please Wade, stay with me." _

I stop in my tracks. Its been long walk, maybe a quarter mile from the funeral home. I'm stuck looking at the street in front of me.

_ I jolted awake to a scream. Wade and Bonnie had heard it. I looked down and saw Audry being towered over a girl with a red knife._

_ "Audry!" I cried._

_ Suddenly the girl was tackled. Jackie got her. The two of them wrestled on the ground. Ethan and Hugo joined them, and the three of them took the intruder down. I watched as Ethan jabbed her with his spear, Jackie using her axe, and Hugo punching her. Eventually a cannon fired._

I'm beginning to scream again. I start backing up as if something were coming to me. People burst out their buildings trying to aid me like yesterday.

_ Jackie whipped around and punched Wade in the face. Wade fell over and the clothes launched in the air and fell to the ground._ "Wade! WADE!" I scream.

I can feel hands tightly on my arms and legs, straining me to the ground with one person looking at me in a face full of tears.

Marie.

_ "Be yourself, Alanna," Marie said "Everyday, I know you are trying to survive, doing the best to survive. I can already see you being lucky in the arena with so many people praying for your return home back in District Five." _

The thought calms me down as I gaze into my mentor's- Marie's- kind eyes.

"Its okay everyone," Marie says, looking around al the crowd. I can feel the hands and pressure off me. Marie helped me off the ground with a reassuring smile as the crowd departs.

"I haven't seen you since yesterday," Marie says.

"I haven't seen _you_ since yesterday," I said "What have you been up to?"

"We just last saw each other yesterday, Alanna. Are you feeling all right?"

"Ye- maybe."

Marie's attention draws to my sister. I turn to face Amy, who then stares at the ground.

"This is the youngest member of the McLee family, I presume," Marie says as she walks towards Amy.

Amy glares up at her, then at me, before scowling at the ground again. Her lips move as if she were talking, but no sounds escape her lips.

"Hello," Marie says.

Amy doesn't respond.

Marie looks at me with question.

"She's been like this since I came home," I said "Not talking, not really looking at me, not being kind."

Amy glared at me so intensely that it made me feel guilty.

"So, where are you two going?" Marie asked.

I got stuck. I looked back at Amy and saw her looking towards the sky, moving her thumbs as if she was lost in thought. Suddenly, I couldn't bring myself to say anything.

"Are you…" Marie began and looked at me intensely.

I nodded.

"I really don't think you should go," she said.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because your not… lets say… mentally stable."

I should've guessed that already. Not saying anything, I turned back to Amy, who was glaring at me.

_ Two Peacekeepers are ready to lead me over to the stage. As I make my way, I'm forcing in tears. This is being televised live and once people see my tears, I'll be noted as a weakling, an easy target, an easy kill._

_ Halfway to the stage, I hear screams. Screams I recognize. "ALANNA! ALANNA!"_

"Amy, don't do it," I said without realizing.

Amy looked at me with an annoying bewilderment.

"See what I mean, Alanna?" Marie asked "The flashbacks. Good or bad, I don't think you can control them yet. Being at Wade's funeral could only trigger some more bad images. And worse, you can't brace yourself with them and you freak out."

"But what if I can control them there," I said, facing Marie.

"Don't start this, Alanna. I heard about what happened yesterday on the street. I think that you should keep a low profile for a while. Get with family, stay calm. I did that."

Maybe I should. Look at Marie, who saw the horrific explosion death of her District Partner in front of her eyes in her Hunger Games. The entire District was told not to talk about it for fear that it'll only be more cruelty on her. Actually in District 5, we usually try to avoid talking about the Games period. But look at Marie now, 14 years later, calm.

"I guess…"

Before Marie could respond, a swish of red hair passed right by me. Amy was speeding ahead of me down the cobblestone road.

"Amy!" I called and chased after her.

"Alanna!" Marie called behind me.

"I'm sorry," I yelled back "We'll talk later!"

I couldn't hear her words. I chased after Amy for a while before she stopped to catch her breath. Then I grabbed her arm and said, "Look Amy, listen to me."

She looked up at me with bored emerald eyes.

"Whatever made you like this, just tell me. We an talk whenever, okay? Whether I died or not in the Games, I'm still your sister. Like Aaron is still our brother. We can talk like we usually did. Please, Amy, please…"

I could see her lips trembling and tears ready to fall out her eyes. I loosened my grip on my sister's arm and she pulled away. Amy looked to the ground and walked on.

I followed her, feeling defeated in a battle I don't know the cause of.

* * *

Me and Amy just entered the funeral home. It was cold, very. I grabbed Amy's hand and lead her to one of the back pews. The only vacant one. Though it was crowded, it was oddly silent except for a murmur here and there and a constant small cry coming from the front. I craned to see who but I couldn't.

_ I kept holding onto Wade's hand, even after I was the only one holding on. The last minute was like an hour as his lips turned icy cold. I lifted myself up and looked at Wade, who was smiling now. His gray eyes were no longer focused at me but there was looking at me. Then they closed so suddenly. Then the cannon._

Suddenly I was shaking. My hands felt clammy as I realized I couldn't do this. Its not healthy for me being here. Marie was right.

"Come on, Amy," I whispered and ushered her up.

Someone in the front row, all in black, stood and up and looked back. His face was streaked with tears coming from those blue eyes.

Josh.

He shook his head and nudged the person next to him, his older brother Keith. The two of them walked up to me and Amy.

"Its nice to see you two," Keith said and gave one of his warm smiles.

"Yes, it is," I said "I-"

"How are you… well…"

"Just because I'm alive doesn't mean- oh."

Josh took a deep breath. "Look, just go. Get out."

My eyes darted to Josh's. "W-why?"

"I…I- look Alanna McLee, if you want to mess with me, go ahead. Taunt me that my brother didn't survive."

"I would never do a thing!" I exclaimed "We're not in District One! And Wade was my friend!"

"Did you really let that Antonio jerk kill your friend?"

"Josh, stop," Keith hushed.

"I didn't see Antonio!" I yelled "There was fog! When I did see, it was too late!"

" 'Its all my fault,' " Josh quoted " 'Wade's dead because of me. I wasn't paying attention. I should've seen Antonio coming.' You should've!"

_"Antonio deserves to die," I mumbled._

_ "What?"_

_ "He has to die. He just has to!" I started screaming the words over and over._

_ "Shh, shh," Ethan said, putting his finger to my lips, silencing me._

_ "I want Wade back," I weeped._

"Its…" I started. My hands were shaking, then clenched into fists. "Look-"

Suddenly, Amy screamed bloody murder. She turned and ran out.

"Amy!" I cried, horrified.

"Get out!" Josh yelled "You are not welcomed here! No more! I don't want to see your pasty little face screaming victory over twenty-three innocent deaths!"

"Josh Tylis Loonson!" Keith yelled along with the Loonson parents in the front.

"Josh, you have no idea what I went through!" I yelled "I could've died in the arena, I could've! So could've Wade if I was dead! It could be that Antonio jerk who's alive right now! But he's not! I did what you asked, I avenged my brother, I avenged your brother! Josh Loonson, what in heck is wrong with you?!"

Crying, I ran out.

* * *

My slumber was nightmare after nightmare of the arena. Rehearsing my argument with Josh. Seeing Amy sullen and far away. I woke up screaming to Antonio throwing his spear into my head.

Sweat poured down my face. The door burst open and my parents ran in, hugging me, saying comforting words but it was obvious they were panicked.

I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Instead, I screamed over and over, "Goodbye Wade, goodbye Wade…"

To this day I don't know why I did. It maybe because I didn't get to say goodbye. Or maybe I was delirious. Or maybe I really woke up to Wade dying, his cold hand clenching mine for the last time.

After I had calmed down, my parents sat by my bedside, combing my hand with their fifteen fingers altogether, until I fell asleep. Or faked it. I did fake it, I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to be with my parents, or to be alone with myself.

But Mom and Dad didn't leave. Once they were satisfied I was back in dreamland or a place where heck broke loose, they began talking.

"It breaks my heart…" Mom whimpered.

"Its that boy from District One," Dad said angrily.

"Its the whole Hunger Games."

"Its mostly him and that whole District of darned Careers behind him."

"He got what he deserved-"

"No, he didn't. If he saw this suffering, he would regret it all. That whole District…"

"Shush-"

"I won't. I'm actually thinking of joined up with Kyro-"

"Its a stupid idea. Let all those other guys get themselves killed-"

"How could you-"

I didn't want to hear anymore. Pretending I woke from a nightmare, I screamed and thrashed. I felt my arm hit my Dad's nose and him yelling in pain over the tumult.

"ALANNA!" my Mom yelled.

I stopped and looked at her.

"We'll be with you all night…" Mom whispered.

"N…no," I muttered "Go to sleep. I'm okay."

I could see Mom's face paling in the dark. "O-okay."

I laid down and realized into my bed. I watched my Mom and Dad stand up and walk from the room, but hearing my Mom say, "Actually, Kyro's plan isn't such a bad idea now…"

* * *

_Who's freaking Kyro, and whats his plan? Will Alanna and Josh make up? Or will Amy ever say a word in this story? I can't make any promises but I'll publish Chapter 3 ASAP! Keep reading and spread the word!_

_Also, I'd like people to check out "One's Survival Means the Other's Death." I recently had it publish. If you're into Minecraft YouTubers in Hunger Games, you may wanna check out this one-shot!_


	3. Keith and Lea

**Chapter Three** - Keith and Lea∞

I stayed in for a whole two days, mostly just wandering with a confused and blurry mind. I had skipped school too, the first time I've ever done so. I had my excuses ready though I guess no one suspected me. Mom and Dad went to work and Amy was more likely at Sarah's or some other friend's house or even maybe the Woods. Not that I care much.

It was that second day as I wandered to the TV room. Turning it on with the remote, I found it had many channels, all from the Capitol except some test broadcasting from District 3.

I had just flicked the channel and found one with Caesar Flickerman interviewing my stylist when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in!" I yelled.

I heard the door open and slam shut. A shaky voice I recognized called my name.

"Lea!" I exclaimed. I ran up to the front door where my best friend stood. Her hazel eyes glistened with tears and her face was pale and streaked with them.

_ Lea steps in all alone. All we do is hold hands. Then she smiles._

"Don't cry!" I said and hugged her.

"I was so scared…" Lea said quietly "I thought…"

I pulled back. All we do is exchange glances in the silence. Voices come through the other room where the TV was left on.

"What gave you the idea for the greenish black look on Alanna's outfits?" I heard Caesar ask.

"Well, green and black brings out her eyes," Rivers says softly "The moment I saw her, it was emerald eyes that brought my attention up. Not the hair or the skin or even the size. Just those eyes. The ones I saw just knew there was no way she was going to die. That she is a fighter, and she was. She just seemed so… lucky. So full of grace, hopes, and chances. I wanted to show it to everyone else out there. I arranged her wardrobe so everyone in District Five can see that too."

Lea looks at me and smiles, the one that makes almost everyone happy. Even at the worse of times.

"I guess its true?" I said sarcastically in a funny tone. I was wearing a green and black stripped T-Shirt with black pants.

Lea laughs. "Well, maybe," she says and moves a blond bang from her eyes "But what about hazel?"

"Red. With a red headband. Then bring you to the Capitol and boys will roll all over to you."

Lea drops her smile. "I hate the Capitol."

"I do too."

"But I want to know, how are you faring?"

"I'm good, to the least."

Lea rolls her eyes. "High and mighty?"

"As much as a puddle of possible mud does."

Lea laughs and I join her this time.

"But seriously," Lea asks more seriously "How are you? You weren't at school."

"I'm… still… recovering."

"Everyone is. Some… changed."

"You heard?"

"Josh Loonson is acting like a snub. I saw that argument a couple days ago, I was there. I passed by his house a few times and I can hear yelling. A lot of yelling. More than the crying."

I stared at the floor. "At least someone else is sullen."

"Amy? Where is she?"

"Somewhere. I don't know, she won't speak to me."

"I heard about that. I'm really sorry about that but really I don't understand."

Lea is an only child. Thats why her parents always freak out on reaping day. I remember on the day of our first reaping, I went over to her house and heard lots of crying. Usually that would be normal but I've never adults so… shaky.

That was the day I don't want to remember though. My first reaping was Aaron's last.

"Its like… lets say… someone you love dearly-"

"Like Jonathan Dearly," Lea said and chuckled.

I gasped. "I thought you were into Regal Gendsew!"

"That was two months ago before he went all psychopath! I want some good guys."

"What are you talking about?"

"Regal was expelled for no reason."

"Who would spray paint the school windows with the initials R.G.?"

"Maybe Christopher Rosen. Christopher was always jealous of him!"

"You're talking about the bully! Sheesh, Alanna, sheesh!"

We went on like this for an hour, talking about boys and passing secrets, like good old times. My dad once said we're too young to be talking about boys but he's my dad!

Lea laughed after I made a remark about a boy named Timmiet when we heard a scream. We peeked into the TV like someone was there. On the still-on television was a picture of me with wide eyes of seriousness. It was me, ready to shoot the arrow into Antonio's face.

Then the screen split. For a few seconds, Aaron towered over Sam as he stabbed him to death. It paused when his fierce eyes looked up.

"Now that," Caesar Flickerman said, who appeared with his spokesperson companion Claudius Templesmith "Is some family resemblance." He pointed at us.

I shut off the television and looked at Lea, who was trembling.

_ "She stabbed me," Audry cried._

"Lea…" I started.

"Should I go?" Lea asked.

"If… if you want…"

"I have homework to do anyway." Lea stepped up to me and held my thumb tightly, giving it one of our good luck squeezes. "I'll see you later."

"Bye then."

She stepped away and then out the door. I looked at my thumb, wondering what she meant good luck by.

* * *

It was maybe a half hour later when I stepped outside in boots, feeling the slight chill of autumn. Both of my pockets were full but I still managed to shove my hands into them. It was the wind chill bothering me and the heat of the sun beating down on my back.

I passed up workers leaving their shifts at the solar power factory. I looked up at the power lines casting their thin, gray shapes across the sky from tower to tower. We always make enough electricity to aid ourselves, unlike what I heard about other Districts. But that still leaves us to pay the cost for it.

I passed one taller building, a bit old and run down that me and Lea named The Abandoned, with loud voices coming from it. In the window, I saw a dozen men and some women hunched around an old table yelling at each other.

I walked pass, getting a hurtful feeling from what Lea told me about yelling from Josh's house. I was planning to go there soon, but I had another task to run.

I crossed into the Woods then took a right into a worn path. Following the path, I left the Woods and into the Meadow. I was told our Meadow by the edge of the District used to look like a scruffy field of yellow dirt and dry, dead shrubs. Now, its been prettied up with short green grass and flowers for its purpose.

The path still went on. On each sides of it were colorful flowers, many I can't name. I followed up the path farther on until I saw the gravestones. The Tributes' Cemetery.

In District 5, we respect the deceased tributes. Somewhere by the 3rd or 4th Hunger Games when people realized the Hunger Games were going to last a long time, the Cemetery was established for all those who died due to the Capitol's cruel weapon.

I counted up the rows of two, or five times, one with a marker of the victor. The earlier ones, weather beaten and eroded, were more unreadable from over half a decade ago. I could hardly make out the first boy tribute's name. It read,** "Wilbur Yeti - 18 - 1st Games 11th place - brother, son, best friend"** I couldn't make any of the family member's names **"-dearly missed - Rest in Peace."**

I could only make out the **"J"** and **"S"** initials and **"sister" **on the girl's gravestone. Wishing both their families well, I moved on and counted up.

Once I got to the 52nd row, I knelt down in the grass and felt my finger over** "Aaron Chance McLee - 16 - 52nd Games 2nd place - brother, son, friend - parents Selena and Emmit siblings Amy Hope and Alanna Grace - dearly loved dearly missed - Rest in Peace."**

"Rest in peace," I murmured. I looked next to it and looked at the girl tribute's stone. **"Hannah Grabell - 15 - 52nd Games 22nd place - daughter, best friend - parents Paula and Freddie - dearly loves dearly missed - Rest in Peace."**

She was an only child. No siblings. I don't know whether it makes it harder on her parents or easier on the family, where not a lot have to suffer the pain of loss or for the parents to feel they've lost they're only child.

"I miss you Aaron," I said, turning back to my brother's stone "I only wish you were here now."

A tear rolled down my cheek. I stood back up and walked on to the latest one that had one gravestone and one marker.

** "Wade Loonson - 15 - 54th Games 8th place - son, brother, friend - parents Jeanine and Quest siblings Keith and Josh - dearly loves dearly missed - Rest in Peace."**

"Wade," I started "Wade… I… I miss you." I knew down in the not-so-grassy-yet dirt where flowers and cards lay. "Wade… you were my friend. And I can't blame you or myself for your death anymore. Though I may be the remaining Survivor, I… I want you to know… I was that one. I promise, Wade, to do whatever I can to make you unforgettable. To aid your family however I can."

I pulled out one of my pockets a folded sheet of paper. I unfolded it and set down the drawing of Wade, his smile that night after the interviews, dimples included. My initials "AGM" in the corner and a note under the drawing _"Gone but never forgotten." _Smiling at the sight of the picture, I said, "Wade… I love you. I miss you."

Tears rolled down my face as I stood up and walked down the path. I counted the number of gravestones - even the ones from the 50th Games with double the tributes, all not making it.

110 tributes from District 5 entered the Hunger Games. Five made it out. 105 didn't. The number, to me, doesn't seem fair. Life isn't fair.

I scurried down the path and into the Woods. I wind off the path and scale a dozen feet up a tree and relax, closing my eyes, sleeping.

* * *

When I woke, I heard the bell signaling curfew.

_Darn it._ The sky was an array of reds, pinks, purples, and dark blue with the first few stars. Shivering in the nighttime cold, I looked around. The Peacekeepers would be marching around, forcing everyone in and keeping night watch for anyone not sleeping. I'd be caught and lashed if I was discovered.

"Guess I'll stay up in this tree…" I said to myself "Like good ole times." I climbed higher, out of reach of the world below me. Sometimes me, Aaron, and Amy would get caught in the Woods at night, so we'd spend the night up here.

But we were always with each other. Now I'm alone as darkness starts to seep in and I get scared. I climb higher until I'm just basically a few feet below the tree tops. A bright moon shines down on me just as I try to curl up. But the branches are too thin for me and start to crack under my body. Scared of falling, I rush down and tentatively set my feet on the ground.

I know there isn't any dangerous animals in the Woods - its much too small for that - but I just get scared. The darkness reminds me of the arena, that someone or something is lingering around, ready to kill me.

With only moonlight, I tried getting out the Woods. I soon realized it was pointless, but I didn't want to stay.

_My eyes were beginning to get heavy. Something caught my eye in the hill. In the moonlight, I saw someone emerge from behind a hill. Someone else was behind that person. I didn't recognize them. I saw a glint of metal and the first person fell over and begin to tumble down the hill. A scream escaped him/her lips and right away knew it was feminine._

I almost broke down crying in fear. Instead, I gave a loud choked sound and began stumbling all over. Eventually I hit a tree and fell over.

_I suddenly saw a spear fly right past my head. Any closer I would have a spear in my neck. I held my breath and saw Jackie appear. She held an ax in one hand and the other was covering her ear. She noticed me and screamed._

I gripped the tree with my might, my head throbbing, me feeling dizzy.

_Ethan shoved me away. I collapsed on the ground and saw Tailor tackled Ethan. Both of them flew right into the water._

_ I screamed as I saw them disappear under the current. I got up and ran along the shoreline, screaming Ethan's name over and over, looking for a sign. But no one appeared._

Tears dripped down my face as I put one foot on a branch, and continued the sequence slowly to climb up. My mind becomes blank except with this process only. I climb to the top and stare only at the moon.

_ I woke to a pink, orange, and yellow sunset with a thick, beautiful rainbow through the soft, shimmering light in the rain. I watch it fully, listening to it fully, feeling calm. It feels like I've melted into this scene. Out of the entire Games, out of my entire life, this view right here is the best. The most beautiful scene I've ever looked at. I memorize every part of it._

I look for a good place, wondering what is wrong with my brain. I've been traumatized by the 54th Hunger Games, going crazy by its flashbacks. I know I need them controlled somehow because I can't handle it.

I lay down, closing my eyes, going into a slumber.

* * *

"Alanna! Alanna! Where are you?"

I open my eyes. The voice is familiar.

I climb down slowly and low enough to see the ground. Below me is Keith. His brown hair undone and sagging over his blue eyes.

I slowly climb lower, purposely rustling a few leaves. Finally when I'm ten feet above his head, Keith looks up, shocked yet smiling.

"My gosh, Alanna, you scared me," he says and smirks.

I don't. "What do you want?" I ask "Don't you hate me?"

Keith shakes his head. "Why would I?"

"Because of…" I let it hang.

"Thats not a reason, Alanna." Keith climbs up to a tree, but because of his size, he doesn't dare go higher. He holds out his hand and I grasp it. The two of us help each other down.

"Were you out here all night?" Keith asks.

"Yes… I couldn't go home. I got lost."

Keith pulls out a grayish sack with a blue patch attached. He walks forward and motions me to follow.

I do and untold we begin to pick some blackberries and put them in Keith's sack. They're good and sweet, having to be unfound. I'm reminded of the blackberry pie Keith gave me and Amy the day of the reaping, the day my life changed for good.

Once we finish, we begin treading home. We easily get out the Woods.

"Keith," I begin "Whats wrong with Josh? I mean, I know he… well-"

"I don't know what happened with Josh," Keith answers "I've never seen him that hostile."

"I've never seen Amy so sullen, either. I don't get it, what changed?"

"I don't know. He snapped when he noticed you at the funeral. He's been mean ever since."

"Amy stopped talking, period. At least, when I'm around. And she's never smiling."

"Josh stopped smiling." The expression on Keith's face can only be describe as devastated. He stops walking. "Its weird. I've never… I mean… wow… he was right."

"What?" I'm anxious for a reply "Who was right?"

"This guy named Kyro Wednt. He came to our door after your homecoming and talked about- never mind, Alanna."

"No, tell me Keith!"

"Alanna-"

Keith begins to run forward but I grab his sack. It bounces him back, which is weird happening to a large 18-year-old from a 14-year-old.

"Tell me, Keith. Tell me, did I cause something?" I ask.

Keith sighs, not looking at me. "Yes. Along with the relief theres tension. I'm not sure. That Kyro guy talked about District One and how unfair they've been. He said… he said that… we should be part of… this battle-"

"Battle? What, _what_?"

"He said we should… against District One… because of Antonio… who…"

Keith begins to tear up. I drop the sack as the young man's hands go to his face and sobs loudly.

"Keith, Keith Loonson listen to me!" I jump up to pull down his hands. His face is already red and blotchy. Holding on his wrists tightly as I look up into his eyes, I say "We… we have to be strong. We need to hang on to hope and take chances, to be graceful."

Keith sniffs. His lowers himself to my level. "Hope, chances, graceful," he says quietly.

"Grace, hope, and chances," I said "C'mon Keith, please. I know Wade's gone, I miss him as much as you do. But… I promised to help you guys in any way I can."

He sniffs again. Keith gives a choked sound from his throat as I open up the sack and dump the contents of my pockets in them. Its coins, mostly silver and gold coins, our District's money. It has our District symbol on one side and Panem's on the other.

"Keith…" I whisper.

He uses the sack as a towel and wipes his face. It makes hardly any effect. "Thank you, Alanna McLee."

Keith stands up, ready to walk on. "I… I think you should go home. Your folks must be worried."

I nod. We say our farewells and go separate ways.

* * *

_I'm sorry about the lack of uploads! I was working on this chapter and nothing seemed right!_

_So, what did you think? "**It was horrible."** Now don't you dare..._

_Review, Fav, Follow! _


	4. I Want Some Answers

_Longest Chapter Ever! **"As of October 28, 2013."** Okay you just made me forget everything I was going to say. **"Good."**_

_Oh yeah! Sorry the chapter took forever! Its called writers' block and getting things together in one chapter. Okay, done deal. Lets get this show **"coughcoughstorycough"** on the road! **"coughcoughinternetcough"**_

* * *

**Chapter Four** - I Want Some Answers∞

I walk home and find it empty. There's a note on the wall which reads, "Alanna, if you find this and Mom and Dad aren't here, we're looking for you. Amy is still here at home- maybe. If you're hungry, some fruit has been left out for you on the table."

I tear down the note and look over the bottom level rooms. Nothing. On the kitchen table in a fancy white bowl are strawberries and pineapple slices. I eat some strawberries and carry up one of the pineapple slices as I walk up the stairs. I check every room until I get to Amy's. Its unlocked and when I open it, Amy is conked out on her bed. Her head and one of her arms hangs off.

I almost laugh. But my eyes fall to a crumpled paper on the ground. I pick it up and turn it over. In red, scribbled pen, it reds in capitol letters **"The Abandoned : 9:00pm"**

"Thats curfew," I mutter. I stuff the paper in my pocket and position my sister to a more comfortable posture on her bed. When her eyes pop open suddenly and she only looks blankly at me, I want to ask her about the note.

"Amy, whats this?" I ask and hold it out to her.

She rolls her eyes, as if asked this before (or maybe just plainly annoyed with me for that still untold reason), but still reads it. Instead of opening her mouth, Amy shakes her head as for no.

"Can you at least tell me _something_ in words?" I beg.

Amy pulls the blankets over her head.

Sighing, I walk out the room. I need to talk to someone.

* * *

"Is Lea home?" I ask.

Mrs. Merrill turns her head to shout but Lea comes right to the door.

"Yes Alanna?" she asks.

I pull her out the house and into an ally. Then I show her the note. "The Abandoned. Nine p.m."

"Thats right at curfew."

"I know that. But I want to see whats going on there?"

Lea takes the note from my hands and inspects it. "Where'd you get it?"

"I found it on the floor of Amy's room. She wouldn't tell me anything about it. Only shook her head no."

"Strange... Oh!"

My eyes pop wide. "What?"

"The Abandoned is a meeting place for something. This guy named Kyro came to our door and said something about a battle and meetings at The Abandon's address. My dad shooed him off. Apparently this Kyro dude has a very rebellious attitude and a bad rap to his name."

I think of what I saw the other day. "I passed the place and saw a bunch of people in there arguing yesterday."

Lea's eyebrow went up. "Then this note could be expired, to the least."

"Something else too. You can tell me things, so tell me now, whats this about me causing something, battles, secret meetings?"

Lea shook her head, her face filled with dismay. "You know all those things Antonio said about you, Wade, District Five?"

_"Weak," Antonio said "District Five, the weakest District ever to exist in Panem. Shame on them." He laughed. "All of them. Not just you two. All of them. Too caught up on such things to worry about the real matter."_

And that was only one of the many.

I shudder. "Ye…yes."

Lea puts a hand on my shoulder and her voice began to shake. "Theres been a lot of tension. People want to show District One we are the opposite of that."

I got confused. "But how? We can't travel between Districts."

"I don't know. Maybe thats what this meeting-" she taps on the note- "is all about. Alanna, its scary. People are taking sides. Opinions. Fight back, stay low, ignore it, who's to blame. People are… are saying-" I can literally see her shoulders shake- "That we need to punish District One… for everything Antonio said… your condition… and your brother… Wade… and-"

Changing the subject before tears appear, I interrupt "Maybe we should go to this meeting. In secret."

"You sure, Alanna? I mean, its risky. We could be caught, especially you of all people if this is the case."

"I want some answers so we'll have to find them. This meeting might help me find some."

"But why should _I_ be going?"

"You don't have to."

Lea sighs, and nods her head.

"Alright," I say "How about tonight, at eight-thirty, dress in black, head to toe. Okay?"

"Okay, Alanna, but if we end up getting caught-"

"I have a feeling we might."

"Then why!"

I turn my head. "I should go home. My parents don't know-"

Before Lea can protest, I turn and run. Suddenly I'm overcome with the feeling of adventure. A different kind, unlike the Hunger Games. Like outlaws I've read in those old-times books. Breaking the law, really.

Yes, its a bad thing, but I want to do something. Even this.

* * *

When I get home, my parents are there at the kitchen table with some paper. The moment I enter the kitchen, three arms envelope me into a hug.

"Oh my gosh, Alanna, we've missed you!" My mom cried.

"Where have you been?" Dad asks.

"The Woods and missed curfew," I explain "Then I came back here, noticed you were gone, and went to Lea's."

"You should've left a note!" Mom exclaims.

My eyes drift to the paper on the table. Its four sheets, three laid out side-to-side and one on top of them all. I look at that sheet and see its a paper of what looked like printed codes.

"What're these?" I ask and set my hand on them.

My dad removes my hand and says, "Some files we were looking at. Now, I want to show you something. Grab Amy too and come outside."

I screamed for Amy from down below as Dad lead me outside. He lead me back behind the house where four bicycles sat, one of the two transportations possible in District 5. These were pink, green, black, and sky blue, made of metal with a black leather seat.

I set my hand on the green bike. "Are they ours?" I asked.

"Yes," Dad said and he smiled. "The green one is yours."

"But I've never ridden a bike before."

"Neither has Amy or your mother but I have. I'll teach you all."

Mom came out with Amy, whom's eyes glistened at the sight of the bicycles. She opened her mouth, as if to speak, but pursed her lips tightly at the sight of me.

Dad hopped onto the black bike. For a second as he wobbled, I thought he would fall. He had ridden a bike, yes, as a child before he had to burn it for fuel in an awful winter. It had been a while. As a plus to my worry, he lost his arm in an electric plant accident several years ago. I wasn't sure how he was balanced.

But my father surprised me. He knocked up the kickstand and and sped off. He laughed as he rode around, one handed, until he stopped and asked, "Who wanna learn how to ride?"

It took an hour, but soon the whole McLee family was riding down the streets of District 5. It had to stop when a man waved at us. My parents and Amy stopped, and so I did too when I looked at him.

The man had wispy light red and gray hair on the top of his big head. His skin was about as milky colored as most people in District 5. His brown eyes looked calm and in control but he was tall and a bit muscular, as if ready to smash down on any person who got in his way. He wore torn jeans and a gray shirt than hung on his thin body but the emotion on his face made him look like he was in charge, regardless of appearance.

I got the impression this was the Kyro I kept hearing about. Why else would my family stop to look at this waving man? Why else would about about a quarter of the crowd stop and look at this pitiful looking man and the rest take a glance and quickly walk or pedal away? Only the Peacekeepers didn't seem interested.

They probably didn't have a clue.

The man stepped up to my dad and I tensed. The man whispered something into my dad's ear and his eyes widen. "Honey, we need to go home and get some rest," Dad began "We're working the late shift tonight. He said so."

I knew this was some sort of thing people would be in cahoots about. My mom nodded and said to the man, "Thank you, Quentin, we forgot."

"My pleasure to be reminding you," the man said, whom I believed wasn't really Quentin "I am the boss of the 4th solar factory after all." He laughed and walked away.

I knew it was a cult, but I saved my question until we got home. When Amy ran off inside the house, I asked my parents, "Your lying about this Quentin man and working late at the 4th solar factory."

"Alanna, would we lie to you?" Mom asked sharply.

"I know for a fact the solar factories _can't_ operate at night," I said "How can they when the moon is only up and its dark?"

My parents became wary and hesitant. I asked, "Was that man Kyro?"

"No," they both said.

"You're lying again," I pronounced "Was that man Kyro? What are you really doing?"

_The silver arrow glinted in the moonlight like a star, standing out in a world of incomplete darkness. I could see marks of dried blood on it too, making parts of it look dull and gray, blending in with the world around it. The feathers were transparent but I could see the white lines. The arrow sped through the dim darkness and moonlight. I could see it go all the way down._

I shook my head, trying to remove the thought.

My parents looked at me kindly, as if that will make up anything. Unsure what to say, my parents marched right past me for their rooms.

* * *

At 8:20pm, my parents head out for their "late shift," leaving me with Amy, who fell asleep upstairs. I waited until they sped away on their bikes before I began.

I dressed in all black, using the new clothes that were mostly black I got from Rivers. I grabbed a black scarf and gloves, knowing it was cold out at nighttime. There was even black hats that I grabbed two of. Rivers probably thought I'd stay with this fashion line all year round and got me clothes for every single season. Stuffing the second black hat and another pair of gloves into my pockets, I went outside.

The chilly, windy air made the tip of my nose ice and my face sting. I found my bike and hopped onto it. It was already getting dark enough to make it hard to see, but my eyes adjusted as the world dimmed. My fear was when the streetlights were shut off at 9:00pm and the sun fully went down.

Somehow, though, I found myself in the alleyway a couple houses from Lea's. I stepped up to her door and knocked.

Her mother answer. "Hello, Alanna," she said "what are you doing 8:32 at night?"

Before I could answer, Lea came down with a sack, still wearing colorful clothes. "Me and Alanna are gonna hang out," Lea said.

"Okay, but be back before curfew," Mrs. Merrill said.

"I will," Lea said and ran out.

Once the door closed, Lea sighed, "At least I hope so."

"Maybe so, maybe not. I'm thinking the latter."

Lea threw her arms in the air. "Seriously! I mean, we could be caught!"

"You said that already."

"I worry about you sometimes… I mean-"

"No, thats fine." I motioned towards the sack in her hand with a questioning look.

"My mom gets suspicious when I'm all black. She believes I'm going goth or something. But I think she's worried about my dad. He went out saying he was going to the market and hasn't been back yet."

My eyes widen. I recalled how my parents said they were taking a "night shift." "You believe he's at the meeting too?"

Lea nodded, worry in her eyes. "I'm going to sneak back and change. You, just stay put."

As Lea ran off, I wondered what was probably going on in The Abandoned. I knew my parents and that guy "Quentin" - I mean Kyro - were going if it were a meeting. And it was tonight, I knew that for sure. But, if what Lea said was true, about people taking sides, there could be a lot of people there discussing something. Something to fight District One? My only question is how? District Five is westward of two Districts and the Capitol as far as I learned in school. Plus, they're far apart.

All I knew was that whoever was planning anything, if any, then they might be in deep trouble. Unless they're _not_ caught as I hope me and Lea won't.

_ Suddenly, I slipped. I felt my skin on my thighs and belly rip open with so much pain and spell out blood. I slid down on gravel-like dirt which was heading into a huge ravine with darkness in the bottom just less than a couple feet away from my shoes. I clawed at it the gravel, but the pain in my legs and how fast I was sliding down the gravel slowed me down. I knew right there I was going to die._

I shuddered when Lea came back, dressed in a black shirt with a bright blue patch, dark gray jeans, and not-so-recently polished black shoes.

"Here," I said and handed her the gloves and hat from my pocket.

"Thanks," Lea said and put them on. "I'm not really as rich as you are."

"Hope that doesn't make any difference, as if I care."

"It doesn't. I don't care if your rich, poor, homeless or living in a McMansion. You're alive and all that matters."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"Just don't get killed on this 'mission'."

"I make no promises. Now, follow me. I have a way we can get there quicker."

I lead her down to where my bike lay against a leanly brick wall. What I realized was that if it was easy to spot in the dark alley, it would be easy to spot when night fell completely.

"You got a bike," Lea exclaimed quietly "Lucky."

"I've seen multiple people carpooling on a bike so why not you?"

My best friend's hazel eyes widen. "Yea and most of the time they fall off."

"Then how about you petal and I carpool."

"I just told you not to get killed. And I don't want to either."

"You can either ride on the handle bars-" I patted them "Or the cover of the back tire-" I patted that too.

After a short debate, Lea found herself on the cover of the back tire with her arms and legs wrapped around me as I sped, err… wobbled, out the alleyway. By then the street and building lights were flickering on and off slowly 10 times, meaning 10 minutes until curfew took action.

"The Abandoned is a ways off, Alanna," Lea said "You sure we can make it?"

"Maybe we'll make it before the Peacekeepers start to march around or when I begin to doubt seeing," I replied.

_ He lost his grip to the saliva and fell, not without pulling my leg again. The tips of my fingers grinded against the rock-face of the ravine as I came down. They found another ledge, just that one leg. I was sure my leg was dislocated from Antonio holding onto it because I could no longer move it without some extreme pain and disfiguration. I looked down in blackness, saw Antonio falling, catching a ledge, and I watched it give way from under him. Antonio fell farther down, farther down, into oblivion, screaming his last as he vanished._

I swerved and Lea gave a yelp. She gripped my handlebars and steered the bike away from a building we were about to collide with. Then she dragged her feet to stop.

"Alanna," she said "You okay?"

I rubbed my eyes, trying to clear the image. "It was another… flashback. I get them a lot."

"I know, I know."

"Except this one… was Antonio's death. Which brings up the question... that changes everything."

"What?"

"Did I really kill him? Did I really kill Antonio el Brice?"

"Don't you know?"

"Everyone says its hard to dissect and I find it hard to understand myself. I mean, I did spit in his face. But it wasn't that that brought him down."

"Then what was it?"

"I don't know, I don't know."

The street lights gave their warning flicks again, 5 times this time. Thats when the Peacekeepers' white suits came into view.

"We don't have much time, Lea," I uttered "You're positioned correctly?"

"Yes, yes. Drive- I mean, petal safely this time."

I kicked off, but a Peacekeeper's halts forced me to stop. I would've sped off if it wasn't for the strict laws of District 5. Most say its because we produce most- if not all- of Panem's electricity that even the Capitol wants to rely on as much as food.

"You're the victor, right?" the Peacekeeper asked and towered over me and my friend. He set his big hand on the handlebars but kept his baton to his side.

I winced, not wanting to be recognized as 'the victor.'

"Yes," I responded.

"The Victors' Village is quite a distance from here. You'll never make it in less than 5 minutes."

"Unless you let me and my friend go, then we might."

The Peacekeeper rolled his eyes and let go of my bike. At that moment, I kicked off again and petaled as fast as I could, weaving between Peacekeepers with their armed weapons and District Five citizens trying to get home. It was worse because it was getting harder to see in the dimming light.

When the lights gave one flick, me and Lea were probably a couple blocks from The Abandoned. By then there was no one in the streets except a few Peacekeepers. One shouted at us, but not wasting time, I sped on.

"We're almost home!" Lea shouted at him.

The lights shut off, leaving the last few rays of sunlight to illuminate the road. But it wasn't very bright. I turned into an alleyway that was a couple buildings from The Abandoned.

"C'mon," I whispered. Me and Lea hopped off my bike and made a dash for the alley next to The Abandoned. We hid in the shadows, watching Peacekeepers stroll by for a little while, maybe 5 or 6 minutes, before stopping at their posts.

I peeked out the alley. It was getting darker but I was still able to see that the closest Peacekeeper down the street wasn't looking our direction.

_ Wade reached at the end of the sliding dirt and nearly got caught in it himself. He lurched his body at me and Hugo held on Wade's legs with all his might to pull us up. He yelled for someone._

I shuddered. A hand placed itself on my elbow. Knowing it was Lea's, I looked for a way to get in, just as I heard talking. It was hard to dictate though but just audible.

"You hear that?" I whispered softly.

"Yes," Lea muttered "There _is_ a meeting tonight."

"As far as I know, my parents are attending. We just gotta get in."

I pulled my hat and scarf more so it'd cover more of my face. Me and Lea looked at the walls for a way in (do I have to explain why we don't use doors at curfew with Peacekeepers marching in the street? Hopefully not). We found this break in the wall where the bricks caved inside to the wall. It was small enough for us to slid under on our stomachs.

I've been in The Abandoned a few times, but not recently. The Abandoned was once the Peacekeepers' office, as I've been told, then converted to a school, then it was a temporary hospital when this rare epidemic broke out about some 30 years ago. It became vacant because of the rumor of germs still living there, besides the fact that it was sprayed down. Though abandoned buildings are rare in District 5 since we're such a small District and every acre (not the Woods, strangely) has to be used. I was still surprised when I entered the place. It looked like it was once a hospital and a school, not much an office though, then torn up in a war. Things were strew all over the place from bricks to cobwebs. The walls that once was painted were now peeling gray in the twilight. Metal air vents ran along just under the ceiling, moving from room to room, possible homes for bugs. Cots, some with moth-attacked blankets and pillows, overturned and dusty. Where there were doorways, the doors were gone or fallen with mold. Worse was the smell of burning plastic and human waste combining with the stale, unmoving air.

Chills like cold fingers ran up my spine. How could a meeting go on here?

Lea coughed. Whether it was from the ventilation or just time's sake, I caught the message.

"I remember seeing a bunch of people hunched by the window that has a street view," I recalled "They could be there."

"Why would they even be out in the open?" Lea asked in a hushed voice "Or at least viewable, no matter what time of day?"

"If I remember, that room is really big. If they had more space for more people then they would move there. What if they'd put up some cover over the window but it fell when I noticed?"

"Its possible."

"So very possible. And I'm not sure who exactly we're dealing with."

"Kyro, your mom and dad, my dad-"

"Okay, I don't wanna hear the list."

We crept forward together, trying to keep warm in this damp building, stepping over things we'd rather not get our feet into. We walked into a hallway lined with vacant door openings until we got to the front room.

Empty except for a still-standing wooden table. On it were some papers, three laid out under a top one, just like in my kitchen.

Me and Lea looked over the papers. It was hard to see because of the darkness. The top one looked like numbers and letters. "Codes," I said. We looked at the three others. Two of them together by the long side was a diagram of something. The last sheet was really a paper-clipped packet of documents, which became impossible to read at this point of time.

"They might've been here," Lea whispered "But gone now."

"Or just moved their meeting place," I suggested "But I guess they forgot their papers. The Abandoned is a large and good place to stay in secret."

Lea scooped up the papers just as we heard a shout. Turning to the open window, a Peacekeeper's eyes were staring right at us. He shouted and ran to the door.

"Run!" the two of us both whispered.

Me and Lea dashed out the room into the hallway. We dove into the first doorway we saw and hid under a cot that still was standing.

_ I saw Naomi, wet and stumbling, climb the hill. The moment our eyes met, I purposely pulled down Snake and took the knife to my upper left arm. I cried out painfully and lightning struck, followed by thunder._

_ Naomi smiled and said, "Ready to die?"_

_ Snake jumped up in front of me and-_

The torture from my mind didn't last longer than intended, as my flashback was interrupted by the sound of hard boots stepping on a door, across from ours, followed by the Peacekeeper's rough call for us.

Lea looked at my fearfully and mouthed the words "What now?"

I looked around the room. A few overturned beds and chairs, a partially broken window that didn't have enough space to climb out of. Clearly no way out. Until I heard an echoey voice.

"Somebody's here. Shush."

It sounded like it was from the ceiling. I looked up and so did Lea. It looked like an air vent, its door hanging on its last screw as it hung out the wall just inches from the ceiling. Air conditioning is something that hardly ever works in District 5, but I knew they tunneled everywhere in large buildings like schools or factories or _here_.

Lea was thinking the same thing I was.

"Can we get up there?" she mouthed, pointing to the vent.

I shrugged. The ceiling the air vent was mounted on was double my height floor to the vent. My eyes scanned a way up and matched with a cot and the window's thin railing. I pointed this out to Lea and she nodded.

As a last thought, I took a slab of broken glass and threw it swiftly down the hall. The Peacekeeper turned from a room and dashed down to where the sound was made.

"Go, go!" I ushered.

I let Lea step onto the cot first and jump for the window. She grabbed hold of the window's railing and reached for the vent. It was big and strong enough to hold her weight and lock her inside.

I stood on the cot first. I looked to the floor and gulped, thinking the ravine I attempted to jump over…

"Alanna…" whispered Lea.

I shook my head and jumped. I grabbed hold of the railing and lost it.

I screamed.

A hand grabbed one of mine. Lea struggled to hold me that wouldn't be any much longer. I gripped the air vent and pulled myself up just as the Peacekeeper stumbled in.

"Hey you two!" he yelled.

I slid into the air vent as shots of gun fire rang out. Only twice, but stopped. There was no way the Peacekeeper would get us now, no way he could fit or get up to our level. But he didn't give up yet. Me and Lea held each other and stayed silenced and motionless as the Peacekeeper banged the air vent with his baton, making loud, metallic sounds echoing loudly in our ears.

"What's going on here?"

The Peacekeeper stopped.

"I saw two figures in here. Jumped into the vent."

Some silence then "Its impossible to get up there."

"Two kids just did!"

"Its the citizens' curfew. No way they would risk it. Maybe you saw ghosts - the place is haunted after all."

"I don't believe in myths like that." Silence then "Then again, I am getting old… probably just seeing things."

"Just get back on your post."

Some footsteps, then nothing.

"That was close," Lea said.

"No kidding," I answered. Followed by another echoey voice saying "Sounds like they're gone."

Lea pointed in the direction it could've come from, straight. The air vent was small and boxy, the metal sharply cold under my hands, with old hanging webs and bugs hanging around. All difficult to see in the pitch black. I tried to ignore them, but it was hard not to. Me and Lea just followed the discussing voices that bounced around, slowly getting louder and less distant, but still in a jarble.

"The white uniform might…"

"Caught with dire…"

"Got the factory manager in…"

"Get our hands with some weapons…"

"Show them not to mess with our people…"

_I heard a scream and everyone stopped fighting each other to look. Antonio appeared from the darkness of the Cornucopia's mouth. His arm was wrapped around someone. The dark brown eyes were wide. The dark face…_

Lea caught my troubles. She whispered "It'll be okay."

Light increased and in a matter of time, me and Lea could peek down to a larger room, bigger than the one before, with lots of people in old chairs or mostly on the floor on the perimeter of the room, talking and holding papers. A few of them were in the middle. A man a didn't recognize with sleek black hair and milky skin, that man on the street who I know by now _is_ Kyro, and… my dad.

I took a deep breath and watched.

My dad opened his mouth, turned a page in a packet of paper he held, and said, "As said, we will have some men as worker go to District One to fix the electric problem happening there, as said. Will come to in a couple of weeks. There we will attack the District's citizens-"

"Show them we aren't weak," said another man, followed by a chorus of the same words. I immediately recognized the man as Lea's dad.

"Things are going fine right now," Kyro said "So far, its on schedule that the problem hasn't been fixed by electricians in One. Too stupid to figure it out."

A man sitting down against the wall nodded with approval and looked up. His face snarled to disturbance and he said, "We have spies."

All eyes were turned to us. I saw my mom and some others I recognized. Worse was Keith was there. His mouth gaped like the most of them, but his blue eyes were upset.

"Come down now," said the third standing man "We'll catch you."

I pulled my hat down lower to my eyes so they were half covered. I looked at Lea, who muttered "We're caught. I surrender."

I wiggled my way out first. The standing man caught me and lowered my gently to the ground, but his arms wrapped around my waist tightly then moment my feet touched the ground.

Lea came peeling out and was caught by my dad. I couldn't see her eyes by the brim of her head. I hoped no one would, but it was hopeless to anyway.

Another man with blond hair and pale skin walked up to the two of us. I looked to the ground and felt my hat and scarf taken off. A gasp rippled through the crowd.

"Alanna and Amy?" Dad said, shocked.

"No," Lea said just as her fearful face was stripped of her hat and scarf. "Its Lea Merrill."

"What are you doing here, girls?" my mom asked sharply, standing up.

"I…" I began "I want some answers. I mean, seriously? What did I cause, a battle against District One? Antonio said some nasty words but-"

"It was more than nasty words, Alanna," the blond-haired man said, his eyes glaring at me. "They caused more pain than you can think."

"But they only did to survive the Hunger Games," I said "I mean, if I had killed someone from One, would they want to stand up and attack?"

"They killed for the glory of it," Kyro said "And normally we wouldn't take our stances we are using now, but this time we are. And our reasoning goes far deeper than that, young McLee. Your mental insanity is caused by the horrific death of your District Partner, the deaths caused by Antonio.

"Another reason is our sides. The Hunger Games were only a way for these two Districts to get to each other, causing not only rivalry but hatred. Your brother is dead because of Marco, Antonio's brother. And there's more on the other side, District One. Aaron killed the girl from One that two years ago. Last year, the girl from One was killed in her sleep by the pair of our District, only to be discovered. Should I go on with the list?"

I shook my head.

"Also," Kyro continued "The families. Its the families thats been scarred the worst. The entire population of District Five has been targeted. We've been shown weak to the entire country, and we won't let that stereotype stick."

Kyro turned to my the blond man. "Can you escort our intruders to a place of comfort? We cannot let them stay to listen to our plans."

Another man jumped up. "They're in it as much as anyone."

"They're too young and immature right now," Kyro said "They cannot handle this." He turned to the blond man. "You already know everything. Go on, stay with them for tonight until curfew is over."

I hardly noticed when me and Lea's hands were tied together with our scarves and we were taken out. Neither did I notice my mom silently scolding me or the blank, empty stares following me and Lea across the room. I didn't even notice Lea whispering my name, trying to get me to focus. Impossible. My mind was occupied with understanding what Kyro Wednt just said. And I got most of it and it got me taking sides.

It got me not wanting a battle.

But then again, I want to show District One up too, for many reasons, but mostly for revenge. What Kyro didn't see with the families was the rivalry. Marco el Brice killed Aaron, so I killed Marco's brother in return. They would only agitate the two sides now.

Then I caught myself. I remembered what I said before, not being a murder, then I just admitted I killed Antonio. Did I kill him? And what for? Revenge? How is this reflecting everywhere else?

Only time can tell.

* * *

_How'd you think? Love the story so far? Happy for everything? I am **"not"** no dur you wouldn't._

_Reviews called constructive crit and happiness **"what?!"** are welcomed! _


	5. A Lot of Changes

_What I wanted to call this chapter:_

_-Understanding Amy_

_-Broken Hearts_

_-What Do You See Me As?_

_-Changes_

_Well, "A Lot of Changes" really work out for whats going to happen when you read on!_

* * *

**Chapter Five** - A Lot of Changes∞

A couple weeks later, I was watching TV after school (my parents said I must go after what happened), when Amy stepped into the room.

I didn't notice her. She was staying really quiet as I watched TV. In fact, no sound came from her until I stood up from the couch for the bathroom. I turned and exclaimed, "Oh!"

Amy only nodded.

"Still not speaking to me, huh?" I asked, starting to get used to it when I didn't want to.

Amy shook her head.

"Okay, okay," I said and stepped up to her. Amy pointed at the television.

I looked. "Oh. Thats… last year's Victory Tour."

Amy only looked at me questionably.

"I'm studying. Its coming up-"

Amy held up four fingers, more likely representing four months.

"I know its four months away, but I'm getting really worried about it. I mean, I'll be facing eleven other Districts and the Capitol alone with everyone expecting me to say something. I'm not procrastinating, I'm going to figure out what I'm going to say now and work on it until it sounds good later."

Amy groaned.

"I don't know what you mean by that. Can you just speak, please, even a single word?"

Amy shook her head.

_I_ groaned. I raised my hands and shook them, saying "You can't be like this forever, right?"

Amy shook her head again.

"Then… ugh, please Amy-" I walked up to her and put my hands on her shoulders. Her emerald eyes only looked fuzzy at me. "Just speak. Even a word. Just open your mouth and have something come out of it in plain English!"

Amy's eyes gazed to the floor.

"Why are you here, in the first place? Did you just walk in here to bother me with your silence?"

"N-no."

I jumped, shocked and surprised. Amy's voice sounded a bit more mature than before, but it was my sister's voice. A worried and small and scared voce.

"Amy?"

"Alanna, no," Amy muttered "Not right now. Its too… complicated."

"So why are you in here?"

"I thought… but its not the time. Bye."

Amy sped out the room. My knees touched the floor - I wasn't sad, only lightheaded. Amy spoke, good, but… something wasn't right. She sounded scared and she wanted to talk to me about something. But… what? Something complicated, okay. Amy didn't have the nerve to tell me yet, and now I understand that I won't pressure her anymore. It only makes things harder on her.

My mind pondered. About what. I remember what mom told me about her going sullen and quiet with the time of the mutts around. Maybe there was something there I could watch and find out…

But it'd only get a lot worse on me. I thought the flashbacks were slowly going away because I had none for the past few days, and re-watching the Games would only trigger them again. But, anything to find out whats going on with Amy.

But not alone. I won't be able to handle myself. It should be someone who saw Amy change during the event.

"Mom!" I yelled.

My mom was in the kitchen getting ready for dinner. She came out, still wearing her white apron and holding a plate she was washing, and asked, "Yes Alanna?"

"I have to tell you something. Amy spoke to me."

Her eyes widen and she dropped the plate. It shattered in several ceramic pieces on the floor. "She did?"

"Yes. She tried telling me something, but she was afraid to tell me. Not up to it yet, I suppose. She still said actual words to me, but now I don't really wanna pressure her into saying anymore."

"So-"

"And now I want to know what actually made her snap into muteness."

"She-"

"What I know from what you told me before was during that time of the mutts that looked like previous tributes. I noticed on the TV there was a channel where you can browse through different Hunger Games. What I want to do is go to mine and to that part with the mutts. Can you watch it with me and point out exactly when Amy stopped crying and went morose?"

My mom was quiet. It was a lot I asked from her, an I'd understand why if I ever have a child. Its like trying to understand the sorrow of someone from something you don't care, therefore making it hard for you to understand, like Lea not really understanding the feelings of siblings. Finally, Mom said, "If you think it'll help you, Alanna-"

"It's more than helping me, mom. It's helping Amy."

"I'm still in for it. Just turn on that channel and let me turn off the burner."

When my mom came back, I had it ready. At least the title screen. It was completely black except for white words in a thin font saying "The 54th Annual Hunger Games" across the screen and a "Play All" under it with an arrow. In the upper left corner it said "Options," which I clicked with the remote. Then I pressed the "Table of Contents" button, and cruised through.

It nearly sickened me to see what the Capitol titled the events. The interview was called "Interviews: Hot Tension" and the situation at the ravine was "Day 4: A Near-Exciting Fall." When I found the mutts, it was called "Day 5: We Saw These Tributes Before." I clicked it and hugged my mom as we curled up on the couch.

"When an event including the tribute-mutts come up," I whispered "Tell me exactly what Amy did."

We watched as the remaining Survivors, Wade, Bonnie, Ethan, and me, chased after Jackie, who was out for the Careers in a fit of anger and revenge. When we lost Jackie, the pale-yellow colored mutts chased us to the Careers and her, scattering the two alliances. Naomi, the short District Two Career girl, was behind me, her face in fear, as a mutt was behind us. We swam into the swamp ring where the mutt gave up in a strange retreat.

"There, Amy asked 'whats going on?' " My mom recalled.

Naomi commented on her "scaring the mutt away" but didn't focus on killing me, as she wasn't in the mood to and I was focused on the swamp's familiarity, which was part of the 52nd arena, the one my brother was in.

"Amy knew before you did," Mom told me "But she was just as confused to why it would be there."

The Aaron-mutt sloshed into view, dressed and looked exactly like Aaron did for his Games, and completely ignored us. Then the Sam-mutt appeared, Aaron's former ally. The two fought as me and Naomi watched, stunned.

"Amy began crying really hard then," Mom said. I could hear her voice wavering.

When the Aaron-mutt "killed" the Sam-mutt and ran off, Naomi hid behind a tree and let the still-not-dead-mutt attack me.

"Amy screamed."

"She did?" I asked.

"The three of us, me, your sister, and your father, all did. Then Amy yelled at you to run."

In a short-lived battle, I shot the Sam-mutt with a couple of my arrows and nearly fell victim to Naomi, but I ran off. I saw the "last three tributes", the boy and girl from One-mutts and the Aaron-mutt fighting. The Aaron-mutt killed the girl, but the boy killed the Aaron-mutt.

"Thats when…" my mom started but couldn't say anymore.

I paused it, just in time to not see Naomi's knife pierce the boy-mutt's temple. "Thats when everything stopped?"

"Yes. Yes it was. N-n-now turn that off and get some rest. I don't want to see any more of that."

When Mom left for the kitchen, sweeping up the plate bits from the floor, I muted the TV and rewinded it. I watched that seen over and over, trying to dictate what that meant.

I saw my face, blood-stained just a little but dirty, my emerald eyes wide open and just about to release tears. I don't remember that part at all, me about to cry. Maybe Amy saw that, and that was something that made her snap? Maybe it was, even the smallest things cause the biggest impact, but then again, she couldn't have noticed it.

_ At that moment I painfully strung an arrow and shot it right through her ear. Gretchen clutched her ear and screeched in pain. Then I shot one through her other ear. While she was distracted, Ethan threw the metal spear into her stomach. _

I bit my tongue, trying not to scream. As I feared, the flashbacks returned. In attempt to forget it, I shut off the TV and went into the empty room that resided in this level. I had pulled in a table in front of a window so I could look out at the wild-woods beyond District 5 and some of the District's buildings. On the table was some paper, pencils, a sharpener, and a black folder. Inside the folder was some drawings I did. I had only done three finished so far: the one of my sleeping sister, the one of Wade I left at his grave, and another of the view I have out this window. They aren't so extremely good, but you can tell what they are.

Now I'm staring down at a blank picture, wondering what to draw. I closed my eyes, waiting for something to appear in my eyelids.

I opened and used my gray pencil to draw a circle by the top; a head. The hair had to be shades of gray because I had no color pencils. I worked on it until Mom called me for dinner. By then, I had only Aaron's head finished.

* * *

I hadn't had a dream-dream since the Games ended. I had mostly no dreams at all, but there was times when the nightmares came in and I woke up screaming. Worse was the nightmares was me reliving the Hunger Games in some way - watching my allies die, feeling the pain as I'm hurt, Antonio taunting me, and thats the first of the list.

The Games will never leave me.

This dream-dream, a good dream, or more like some sort of message, that came to me tonight was of Wade.

It began in the Games.

I was holding his hand, leaning over him, slowly watching him die with the haze behind him and the jungle on the other side.

_His paling face was streaked with tears of his and mine. He smiled._

_ "Smile," he said quietly "Please."_

_ "I can't," I said "I just can't." _

_ "You have a lovely smile, Alanna."_

I nearly began crying. Then, we were standing on the stage, the day of the reaping. He faces me and we shake hands.

Next, we were in the Woods. Younger and more carefree than before. Wade was spinning in a circle and I was laughing to much my long red hair was bouncing. Then he stopped to look at me with his bright gray eyes. I stopped laughing too, and we just looked at each other.

It was hard to imagine these two little kids were going to be a victor and a dead tribute someday.

Suddenly, we weren't kids but the age we are now. Still in the Woods, but Wade's eyes the same.

"You said you would look after my family," he said.

I hadn't expected him to speak.

"I-I tried," I said "But I'll try harder."

The Woods flicked away to the top of the Cornucopia. The bloodbath was going around below us. Wade stepped in front of me and covered my eyes. The blessing.

"I didn't mean for this to go here," Wade said, though I couldn't see him "Your mind is very debauched, but I can't cleanse it in one night."

Wade moved away his hand from my eyes, revealing the Tributes' Cemetery, but at a distance. The sky was an artistic array of pinks, purples, oranges, and clouds of dark blue. The sun was a brilliant yellow on the horizon, about to vanish in the dark wild-woods outside District 5.

In the Tributes' Cemetery, a funeral was going on. A few men were carrying a coffin and a line of people holding candles followed. They looked like dark sticks in the bright scenery.

"Wait," I said and turned to Wade "Are you really there? Like a ghost in my mind? Or somewhere else?"

Wade didn't say anything. Now, he looked shorter than I remembered, and more serious.

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

The scene switched to the balcony of the Training Center, looking down at the artificial Capitol. The scene makes me angry, its the Capitol's Hunger Games that made me and Wade in our present situations, so I turn away.

And it gets darker.

"No, not now," Wade said, then turned to me. "You wanted to ask me something?"

I focus on trying to look at Wade's eyes. "What do you see me as?" I ask.

The scene begins to get darker until its only black. Wade holds my hand as tightly as he did when he died. "A beauty. Strong and smart. Special and unique. Lovely. You're the only thing I ever want."

Wade begins to fade away. I clutch his other hand and beg, "Wade, I miss you. Don't leave me." Tears sting my eyes and my voice is dashed with sadness. "I'm scared, Wade. I don't want to face everything alone."

"You won't be alone. No one is ever alone." Wade is nearly gone and his voice a like a faint echo when he says, "And I miss you too. I love you."

"I love you too."

Wade slips away from me and I'm alone in the blackness. I reach out in the space he once was and find it a wintery cold and empty.

"Wade…"

* * *

The morning following the dream, I dash out the house after breakfast and hop on my bike. My grounding was over and there was no school today, free to do whatever I like. I knew where I was going: Josh's house.

When I got there, I jumped off my bike, letting it fall on the stone road. I walked up to the Loonson's door, about to knock it, when I stopped.

I wasn't going to mention Wade or the Hunger Games or the funeral. I would ask Josh how he's doing, see if he wanted to hang out. I wanted to get to know him better, or better said as again.

I knocked. No answer. I peeked at the windows and found them dark. Either they kept their lights off or they weren't home.

I knocked again, figuring it was the latter of my options, until it opened.

Keith looked down at me, silent.

"Hi," I said "Is Josh here? I wanna talk to him."

He stayed quiet for a moment. "Yes, he is. Actually, you may really want to talk to him. Come in."

Keith allowed me inside. The house was dark, lit with candles. They must still be mourning. I couldn't blame them. I almost ran into a coat rack that was crowded with - well… what else? - coats. There was a couple couches pushed together behind a glass table, holding some papers and a few candles in this section of the house.

Sitting on the couch alone was Josh. He was looking at a piece of paper in his hands. He looked so much like Wade it was almost scary, but thats what happens with twins.

"Where's your parents?" I asked Keith.

"Mum's in the kitchen, cooking. Got no idea where my Dad is," Keith said.

I looked but at Josh. He was looking up at me, his blue eyes stale, the opposite of Wade's gray ones.

"Hi Josh," I greeted quietly.

"Alanna," he whispered "Did you draw this?" He held up the paper so it could face me. It was Wade, the one I left at his grave.

"Yes," I said quietly "Josh, I-"

"No, let me talk." He stood up. "I miss my brother. You _are not_ going to make me forget him."

I couldn't believe it. "Why would I _ever_ make _anyone_ forget Wade?"

"You're only here because you want me _to get over it and move on_! I don't want to! I don't want to forget my brother!"

"I could never forget him! Its almost like he's still there when I look at you!"

A shout came from the separate room. Keith put a hand on my shoulder and threatened, "Quit it…"

Josh took a deep breath. "What I want to say is that, well, this drawing really looks like Wade. Its really good."

"Thanks, but I don't think its that good."

"It is. You should draw people more often. And, I'm sorry about yelling at you."

I shrug. "You get yelled at all the time."

"Wait, what did you say?"

I caught myself. "No, no, I didn't mean-"

Josh's hands turned to fists and he dropped the drawing of Wade. "Get out-"

Keith stepped between the two of us. "Alanna," he began "why don't you tell Josh what you wanted to tell him?"

I peeked over the eighteen-year-old's shoulder. "I wanted to ask if you wanted to hang out?"

"Uhh-"

Mrs. Loonson poked out of the kitchen doorway. "You go out with Alanna and get some natural sunlight while it's still there."

Josh sighed. He left the drawing on the table and took a brown coat from the rack and motioned for me to follow him.

I let him open the door and close it behind me. I wrapped an arm around his shoulder, but he pushed it off. We just walked through the streets, feeling uncomfortable.

Everything we used to do as friends seemed to melt off into a couple of strangers forced to walk together. We passed worked hurrying to the factories, non-working people in markets, the square, the couple schools in the District, and even past the Woods, all in silence.

Finally I said, "How's it been?"

Josh sighed. "Alright, I mean, not so swell. You?"

"Could be better."

"Same."

Silence again. Then Josh spoke up. "Sorry about yelling at you. I've just… just been through a lot. Lots of feelings about… everyone."

"I can relate. When I lost Aaron, I could hardly think straight for a long time."

"At least you have people on your side."

"And yours."

"I know but you brother's death didn't cause such a commotion."

"Mine did too. Only it took a while."

Quiet. We walked past the Woods again and walked into the small patch of greenery. The one with the sounds so much different than in the District.

"I saw Wade last night."

Josh and I looked at each other. We said the same thing at the same time.

"You... saw…" Josh stuttered.

"In my dream," I explained "The first good one in a while. He talked about caring for your family and that I'm never alone."

"Wade told me, in my dream, to be strong and to hold on without him. He said to go through it until the end of it."

"End of what?"

"I don't know. He vanished before he could tell me."

Silence. We walked out the Woods to the Meadow, where Josh made a U-turn. I could understand.

"I think he meant," I began "The end of pain. Or farther beyond that."

"End of time?"

"We can't be here until the end of time. End of our lifetime, or our generation, or-"

Josh stopped. So did I.

"What is it?" I asked.

He didn't answer, only staring at the scenery in front of us: trees. Though he raised his hand and set his fingers on his head, stroking his brown hair.

"You okay," I asked, worried.

Josh started walking again. I caught up. "What was that all about?"

"What?" he said, looking his blue eyes at me.

"You just stood there, staring."

"I guess I was thinking. I don't remember any of it but my parents and Keith say its been happening since…"

He sighed glumly and deeply his shoulders sagged. I wrapped my arm around his shoulders and he didn't take it off this time.

"There's a lot of changes going on now," I said "I guess some can't be changed."

"Yea. A lot of changes. Like, how's it been going in the Victors' Village?"

I blinked back some tears. "Everything good, just nothing feels like anything is going right. To many problems with my sister and my parents and... me."

"Maybe you should meet new people. Isn't there still four other families in the Village?"

I nodded. "I guess my family have been very anti-social with our new neighbors. Just trying to settle in to our new life."

"Everyone's lives are going to change. And it seems like more is on the way."

"Why do you say?"

We walked out the Woods and back into the streets. I ignored the staring eyes. People began to notice us now.

"Because a lot is going on and still bringing things on," Josh theorized "Maybe thats what Wade meant, the end of this? Of whats going on?"

"I guess it is."

We walked in silence. I felt a hand stroking my short hair, but I let it go.

Then Josh stopped walking again, so I did too. This time, instead of staring into space, he was staring right at me. His blue eyes sparkled, the way Wade's gray ones did, making me think of him.

"Smile for me," he murmured.

I hesitated, then smiled.

"Wade was right," Josh marveled, smiling "You have a beautiful smile." And he leaned in.

My eyes widen when I felt his lips on my cheek. My heart stopped and floated into my throat, choking me up. The gasping and awing around me didn't help.

Josh pulled back, shaking. "No," he stuttered "No, Alanna… I didn't mean-"

I backed up and yelled "Why did you do that?"

"I-I don't know."

Hot tears rolled down my eyes. My breath quickened and my head hurt. "Josh, how could you? I _can't_ right now! _I just can't_! I'm not ready for this and never was!"

I spin on my toes and run down the street. My vision is nearly blinded by my tears that sting my face with the wind, but I can tell people are moving out my way. I take one second to look behind me and find Josh on his knees, his hands over his eyes, sobbing.

* * *

"We'll be leaving tomorrow morning. Before most of the District wakes."

"So soon?"

"Yes. The plan is still up and we're ready. Besides this was our deadline and now we're going."

It was night of that day, the incident still fresh in everyone's minds. The news spread like wildfire and everyone had different reasons. Who was to blame? Me, Josh, or District One? Somehow that keeps coming up - One.

I overheard my parents talking in what I assumed the hallway leading to the stairs. I was trying to sleep on the couch in the TV room with the television on but on a lowered volume. Amy was beside me, stroking my hair, saying nothing, but understanding everything.

"So you really are prepared now?"

"Yes."

"I really don't want you going."

"But they hurt my, yours, _our_ daughters and killed our son. I can't sit around and let a chance to fight back slip past me. Kyro said it was perfectly fine, saying it would only be better."

"Fine, then, just don't get killed."

"I won't - I mean I can't make any promises."

"Dad remembers that," Amy muttered.

"I do too," I replied, recalling Aaron's non-promise of returning home but trying to two years ago.

"When should we tell Alanna and Amy?"

"Now. I think they're in the TV room."

I heard footsteps. I kept my eyes to the screen even as I heard Mom say, "Alanna, Amy, your dad has been asked to go on an electricians trip. He'll be going to another District with others to fix some electricity problems."

An electricians trip is when the electricians in District Five go to another District to fix some electrical problems there if others couldn't. Usually those going on an electricians trip bring back stories of what the other Districts are like: food, lifestyle, people. However that only occurs if the District can afford it.

"What District?" I asked.

Mom and Dad were silent. Dad spoke up, "Three."

My parents are the biggest liars ever.

"Dad," I said sarcastically, pretending to believe him "If you see Snake's family, tell them I said hi."

"Sure thing."

Amy looked pleadingly up at him. "Daddy," she said quietly, surprising my dad that he jumped "Don't go."

"I have to. It's very important."

"But you'll get hurt."

"Of course I might. Electricity is a very powerful thing. Thats why you don't put your fingers in the sockets."

Amy was about to say something else, but Mom reminded Dad that he should get rest. "You're rising early and need all your rest," was her explanation.

I dashed upstairs to my room, trying to forget the events of today. Trying to forget Josh and my dad. But I can't.

Sometimes I wish things would stop being so complicated.

But they can't go away until you solve them.

* * *

_How was it? Awosome? Review, Fav, Follow, and Share! _


End file.
